32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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