I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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