Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
