I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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