Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
