it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
