Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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