Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
