Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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