Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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