I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
