So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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