I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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