Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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