1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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