my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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