THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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