On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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