I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize