i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
