He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize