Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
