I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
