let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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