okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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