His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
