My first STD was from a foam party
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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