OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
