I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize