I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
