After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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