someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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