Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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