WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
