Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
