Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
