I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize