oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
