did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
