you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
