dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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