Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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