Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
