By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
