my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
