I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
