Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
