i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Duck Duck Cougar?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
