I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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