you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
