Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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