you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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