so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
