I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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