I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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