Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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