I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
