She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
