I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
