I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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