How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
