That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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