don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
