I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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