i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
